Changing Sibling Combinations

After I wrote this post and dried my tears, I began thinking about sibling relationships and combinations.

I want nothing more than my children to grow up as friends.  

I imagine a day when they will all be grown ups, married, with kids of their own.  I imagine holidays filled with cousins running around together and games being played by the adults while grandma (me) watches all of it in utter delight.  

I hope and pray for that.  Idealistic as it might be, I do hope and pray for it.

For bonding and lasting relationships and friendships to exist among all of them.

And I know that those relationships will all differ and grow in different ways and at different times as they grow and mature.

Right now, Emily & Molly are BFFs.  

Their relationship is easy and loving without much fighting.

Emily and Noah's relationship is more territorial and adversarial.  Things haven't changed much since I wrote this many years ago!

And then there is the relationship between the littles... Molly and Abby.  They are in competition with each other for my undivided attention and that makes them rivals at this point in their little lives.   So they too, are already beginning the early stages of sibling rivalry and consequential fighting.

So breaking apart the relationship that is easy seems to be hitting me the hardest. 

But I realize that when Emily goes to school, new sibling combinations will form and different types of relationships will blossom.

I was struck by this very thing on the day that Emily and I ate lunch with Noah.

Noah was in full force mentor and teacher role on that day.

He was eager to explain the whole lunch routine to Emily; carefully walking her through the lunch line and explaining how many items she had to eat from her tray.

He wanted to introduce her to the Kindergarten teacher.

We went to recess and he was so inclusive and gentle with her; even among his friends.  He squatted ever so slightly so he could look her directly in the eyes as he asked her if she wanted him to take her up on the playground equipment so she could go down the slide.

I even saw him gently place his hand behind her back as he helped her navigate the playground equipment buzzing with shouting kids who were much bigger than her.

He asked her to join in his game of tag; being sure to point out who the "it" person was and showing her how to slide down a slide to escape being caught.

He was doing all of the things I have always hoped he would do.

Protecting her.  
Guiding her.  
Leading her.  
Encouraging her.

So as sad as I am about Molly and Emily's relationship changing next year, I'm also looking forward to what this change might bring for developing and strengthening the relationship between my biggest kids.

And the two littles who will be left at home with me...

I think there might be hope for their little relationship too!  Maybe a whole new generation of babies will be born, new vacations will be planned,  new dances will be learned, and new dress up combinations will be made.  

That's one of the neat things about having multiple siblings, I think.  

At different times in their lives, there will be different combinations and different relationships among them.  

And in the very end, I hope all of these different combinations grow and change throughout the years; one day adding up to a big group of siblings who love each other, like each other, support each other, and count each other as some of their very best friends. 

I'm Gonna Miss This

I took Emily to eat lunch with Noah at school a few weeks ago.

We've been to do that before, but this time it was different.

I took her so she could begin to get used to the idea of eating lunch at school.

Yes, school.  As in all day school.

All day Kindergarten.

The thought of Emily going to all day Kindergarten is guaranteed to bring a sting to my eyes and a painful lump to my throat.  





And these days, I think about it often.

Even as I sat in the little lunchroom on Friday, I fought the pressure welling in my throat as I tried to imagine my tiny girl wearing a uniform and sitting at a lunch table without me.  


It seems too soon.

She seems too tiny.

It doesn't seem right.

She spends her afternoons playing dress up and make believe and coloring and making homemade art.

My emotion over her going to Kindergarten is stronger and more painful than it was when Noah went.

The reasons for that are twofold.  

First, Noah only went to half day Kindergarten, so he was still able to spend his afternoons playing, resting, and being a 5 year old kid!

Second, Noah has a completely different personality than Emily.  He is incredibly bright, analytical, and loves learning.  He was ready for school.  Half day school.  He actually needed the challenge of a learning environment because he can become easily bored without structure and stimulation.

Emily is different though.  She is bright too and I know she will adjust quickly, but her imaginative and creative side is what makes me feel like she is too small to be stuck in a classroom all day long.  She never bores at home.  She has much too large of an imagination to be bored.  She happily entertains herself and her sisters for hours and hours with her creative play.

{mama's and their babies on a boat}

                                                                                                                                                              

My head knows she can do it.  

My head knows she will adapt and probably love going to school.

But not unlike other issues I struggle with, my heart and my head aren't in complete agreement with each other.

My heart wants her to be home with me and her little sisters.

And when I really, really get to the heart of the matter, I know that the main reason her leaving is so hard for me is that I'm Gonna Miss This.

{afternoon snack with a fish and a mermaid}

I'm gonna miss seeing these two beauties climb up the stairs every day dressed in a new ensemble.

I'm gonna miss the trips they take together on their make believe vacations.

{on a beach vacation... they went to the "tattoo store"}

I'm gonna miss the impromptu dance recitals they perform together.

I'm gonna miss the houses they make and the stores they "shop at" and the letters the "deliver" as Emily creates make believe situations for them to live out.

{ballerina & bunny in a boat}

I'm gonna miss seeing these sister friends spend their days together.  

Watching Emily nurture and teach and share with her little sister.  

{pretend pedicures in dress up regalia}

A sweet lady once told me, with regard to parenting...
"The days are long, but the years are very short."

This couldn't be more true when it comes to the Kindergarten issue.

There are many days when the make believe "props" scattered throughout my house make me crazy nuts.  And I often wish for a day when I could get ready in my bathroom without my girly friends squirting my perfume everywhere while they play "getting ready for church" with my makeup brushes while standing inside my bathtub.  And I complain often about having to re-hang up all of the dress up clothes strewn around the house.  

The days are often long.

But the years...

The years are too short.

Because there is no doubt...

I'm Gonna Miss This.

{nursing their babies with my nursing covers}

The make believe props, the crayons scattered over the island countertop, the dress up shoes mixed in with mine, the babies and blankets covering my furniture...

I'm Gonna Miss it All.

But them.

Being together.

Being little girls.

Being best friends.

{ballerina bffs}

Sharing.  
Learning.  
Nurturing.  
Pretending.  
Imagining.  
Bonding.  
Playing.  
Laughing.  

That is what I'm Gonna Miss the Most.

Four {Cute} BLESSINGS

for which I am beyond THANKFUL!

happy thanksgiving!

Simply the BEST

I am not timid in my admission that parenting four small children is not all fun and games.  It's work.  Real, hard work.  And on some days, I get so fatigued from the hard work that I fail to see the simple joy that is woven in and among the hard work.

But then there are the days when the hard work part of parenting is pushed aside and I am able to experience simple joy of parenthood.

Parenthood is unique in that it can render up moments of extreme frustration; only to have it replaced by moments of  complete and simple joy. 

Moments like hearing laughter among all four children rising up from the basement on a Saturday morning only to peek down the staircase to see this...

Moments like these... well, they are simply the BEST part of parenting!  

I could choose to see that...
~ The cushions and pillows are ripped from the couch.
~ Blankets & stuffed animals cover the space where the cushions used to reside.
~ Three out of four children are wearing pajamas instead of clothes.
~ There is furniture jumping taking place.

But that's not what I saw when I looked down that staircase.  

Instead, I saw joy.
Four children laughing.
Playing together.  
Using their imaginations.  
Happy.

This is the kind of simple joy that comes from having a house filled with four small children.  It's interlaced with many moments of exhaustion and frustration.  But I am working hard to not see the work; choosing to instead focus on the joy.  And when I open my eyes wide enough, I am able to see that the joy-filled moments are plentiful; abundant even.  And those kinds of joy-filled, make-your-heart-swell moments... well, they are simply the BEST.  

Totally and completely worth all the hard work!

Today

{written several weeks ago}
{posting TODAY because I finally got pictures off my camera}

*****

Today.

Today the boys left early in the morning for  the KU football game.

Today the girls snuggled in my bed all morning long.

Today Emily and Molly fought over who would lay by me.

Today Emily said:
"But you are my best mommy ever in the whole wide world."

Today Molly said:
"Mommy... MY best friend"

Today it is grey and gloomy and cloudy outside.

Today the "big girls" went on an airplane ride to South Carolina to go to the beach.

Today it is sunny in make believe land.

Today Abby learned to do "downward dog".

Today I was ahead of schedule and took Abby's 7 month pictures 1 day early!

Today we went to Chick-fil-A for lunch... again.

Today KU lost the football game... again.

Today was a good day.

A "Little Thing"

They slept together on our beach vacation.

They started out like this... 

and ended up like this!

LOVE!

The Sweetest Things

I have many days when I feel like my head might explode due to the behavior, or rather misbehavior, of my children.


Days when it feels all I do is clean up messes, break up fights, correct misbehaviors, negotiate deals to get toys picked up, make threats, utilize the "naughty spot", and clean up more messes.


It can be downright exhausting...
 frustrating...
discouraging.


But somehow in the midst of all of it, the sweetest things still happen...


Like Emily waking me up in the morning by rubbing my back with her tiny hands...


or


Molly running to get a "boo boo pack" for her sissy who has an "owie"...


or 


Noah entertaining his baby sister with 100% delight...


or


All three of them playing pretend together.


That's one of the great things about being a parent...


Even on the most frustrating days, which are frequent in number, the sweetest things still happen... if only I let go of the frustration long enough to notice them! 

The Littles

Of all the kids, I was most worried about Molly's transition with the new baby.  She was, after all, my "baby" up until Abby was born.  


She is so physically little that she is unable to do a lot of things that most almost-2-year-olds can do.... go up and down stairs without help, get into the car without help, get up/down from a chair without help, etc.  And so as a result, being carried was (and still is) her favorite mode of transportation.  She talks; but most of her speech is barely recognizable to anyone other than us or her big Sissy.  And she weighs a mere 19 pounds!  So even though she is almost 2, she still feels and seems so much like a baby.  Hence, my worries about how she would react and respond to having her "place" taken by a newer, smaller version.


But for the most part, my worries were unfounded as she has done remarkably well assuming her role as a "big sister".  She is interested in baby "Aaaa" (as she calls her) and overall, she is very sweet with her.  And it's amazing how BIG Molly seems now that we have another "little" in our house!

I have really loved seeing the "sister friend" relationship bloom between Emily and Molly.  They have become little buddies who play babies and kitchen and perform dance recitals together.  It is a really sweet thing to watch.  


And now, as I watch Molly inquisitively look at her little sister, I look forward to seeing what kind of sisterly bond will develop between the "littles"!

 

FOUR

On Thursday afternoon, at 12:10 pm,

Abby Grace joined our family.

She weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces,

was 19 1/2 inches long,

has dark, dark brown hair,

and is perfect in every way.

We were lucky and blessed to have THREE...

But we are even luckier to be blessed with FOUR!

FOUR to love,

FOUR to worry about, 

FOUR to laugh with,

FOUR to teach,

FOUR to be frustrated by,

FOUR to hug,

FOUR to guide,
FOUR to discipline,

FOUR to encourage,

FOUR to play with,

FOUR to cherish.

FOUR blessings.

Welcome to our family Number FOUR!

The Fight for PaPa Time

My kids are very lucky... they have three special grandparents who delight in their very beings!  And they have special relationships with each of their grandparents.  


But it is their "PaPa" who seems to often get the warmest of welcomes when he comes whistling in the back door.  Several times each week, PaPa comes over in the evening to play with the kids.  And the competition for "PaPa time" is becoming more and more fierce with each visit.  They all three want his undivided time... to read, do puzzles, play Wii.  


So sharing "PaPa time" is just not something that they are interested in.  


Case in point...

 

Different Days

There are days when I am so proud of Noah's selfless behavior towards his sister that I could just burst.  For example, a week or so ago, Noah earned a trip to the coveted "Treasure Chest" at school.  This is a very exciting thing for a 1st grader; not to mention it takes some time to earn this special privilege.  In order to pick a piece of junk treasure from the "Treasure Chest", a student has to have earned 10 "bugs" for good behavior.  And on this particular day, it was only Noah's 3rd time to get to indulge in the pile of junk treasures.  When I picked him up from school that day, he excitedly told me of his accomplishment.  I was proud that he had earned the trip for his good behavior, but  the part that made me really proud is this...


He told me that instead of picking something for himself this time, he picked something for Emily!  He went on to tell me that he had chosen to make a sacrifice because "there was something in there that {he} really wanted!"  


His "sacrificial" trip to the "Treasure Chest" resulted in a very small container of bubbles.  Emily was completely delighted to receive this treasure from her brother.  And I think he was pretty delighted to be able to give it to her too!


It is days and moments like that one that make me feel like I'm doing something right as a parent! 


And then there are the different kind of days...


Days that end in Noah writing this note to his sister...

{Translation:  "I'm sorry for trying to suffocate you; especially after Mommy just gave us a HUGE lecture about the dangers of putting pillows on people's heads.  I know I could've killed you, but you seemed to think it was funny so I did it anyway.  And I'm sorry for nearly defecating you in the bathroom.  I thought that would be funny too.  But I am sorry and I love you."}

At least he wrote the second page!


Even with the apology note (written completely independently), these are the kind of days that make me question the effectiveness of my parenting skills!  


So I just never know what kind of a day I'm going to have around here... hoping that today is a "story #1" kind of a day!

Proud

Generally speaking, I feel like I owe my children a "rain check" on their summer!  With my constant nausea and fatigue combined with the 100+ daily temperatures we've had for several months, our summer was not the idyllic one I planned.  Most afternoons consisted of me begging Noah and Emily to watch an On-Demand movie while Molly napped so that I could nap too (Vance was not happy about our cable bill!).  Bless their hearts... it was a bit of a bummer summer!


One day, when I got up from my "rest", they told me I was not allowed to go downstairs because they were working on a "surprise" for me.  It was a "very hard" surprise... one that took them nearly a week of "afternoon nap times" to complete!  But once they finished it, they were SO PROUD to reveal their hard work to me...

They had put together every single puzzle we own... all by themselves!


We do puzzles fairly often around here, but they have never, ever done one without help from an adult!  And together, they had put together all of the puzzles!


They were so PROUD of their teamwork and their accomplishment.  
And I was so PROUD of them too!