Dear Emily {Choose Beautiful}

My dear Emily Kate,

Tonight you were so lovely.  On several occasions I thought my heart would burst as I watched your loveliness.

You read me a book with such beautiful expression and excitement.  And your pure delight in doing this small act was lovely.

You decided to pick up the house because I wasn't feeling well and you wanted to surprise your daddy who has been out of town for several days.  I didn't ask you to do this.  You just did it.  You did it with a smile.  And your desire to serve me in this meaningful way was lovely.

You picked up your chunky baby sister who was crying and bounced her on your hip to quiet her and entertain her.  And your motherly instinct and care for another was lovely.


You bounced and giggled on your bed with your little sister.  You sweetly allowed her to join you on your bed and you played with her and made her laugh with delight.  And it was lovely to watch.

You told me a story about your day at school.  You smiled so brightly when you shared a part of your life with me.  And it was lovely to be included in your thoughts.

You are a beautiful girl, Emily.  You are lovely in so many ways.

But the things that make you the loveliest are not the things that the world will tell you makes a person beautiful.  

The world will tell you that the way you look, the clothes you wear and the size of your body are what make you beautiful.

But please hear what I have to tell you sweet girl...
The world is wrong, Emily.  So very, very wrong.

Your eyes do sparkle and your hair is silky and you do look precious in your tutu's and "sporty" clothes.

But those are not the things that make you beautiful.

What makes you radiantly beautiful is your heart.  
Your spirit.  
Your character.
Your kindness.

And tonight, in all those little things that you did, I saw your beauty shining so brightly. 

You, just being you, was lovely.
Beautiful.

I watched a video today that I can't stop thinking about.  A company put two signs above two different doors at the entry into the building.  Above one door, the sign read "Average".  Above the other door, the sign read "Beautiful".  It was poignant to watch the women try to decide which door to walk through.  To see how many beautiful women walked through the door marked "average".  I suspect they walked through the "average" door because they were evaluating themselves by the world's idea of what makes a person beautiful.  By how they look on the outside.  By what size their clothes are.  By whether or not they can wear a pair of skinny jeans.  

And I wondered which door I would walk through.  I hope I would choose beautiful.

And then I thought about you.  And your sisters.  

And how I hope and pray that you as you grow, you will know that you are beautiful.  

You are beautiful because your are made in God's own image.
He resides within your heart and His love is beautiful.  And that makes you beautiful too.

You are beautiful because your are uniquely you.
No one else has the same eyes that change color and no one else does cartwheels the same way and no one else can make her sisters feel as special as you.  You are beautiful simply because you are YOU.

You are beautiful because you smile and laugh.  
I've been telling you that "you're never full dressed without a smile" and "your smile is what makes you pretty" since the time you were old enough to talk.  Your smile and your giggle are beautiful.  Infectious really.  Do the things in life that make you laugh.  And smile.  You get to decide how you approach life; what your attitude will be.  Keep choosing fun, choose to giggle, choose to smile.  A positive spirit radiates beauty.  No matter how pretty your clothes are, it's the smile on your face that makes you beautiful.

You are beautiful because you are kind.
When you include others, when you refuse to speak badly about another person, when you share the special things that are yours, and when you seek to comfort those who are sad, you are being kind.  And hear me loud and clear on this one, sweetie.  Kindness is very, very beautiful.  

It's already starting. 

You are only seven, yet you are becoming aware of the world and its false idea of beauty.  I know this and it scares me.  It scares me because I fear the world's voice might speak so loud that you actually begin to believe it.  

Don't believe it, Emily!

As you grow and you hear the world trying to whisper its lies to you about beauty, don't listen!  No matter how loud the whisper gets, don't listen.

Listen to me instead.
Listen to Jesus.  The one who created you in His own beauty.
Listen to the voice inside of you that reminds you that you are beautiful, even when you don't feel like it.  
Listen to the truth.

And then, dear girl, hold your head high, stand tall, smile your infectious smile, and walk through the door marked "beautiful".  

ALWAYS CHOOSE BEAUTIFUL.

Because you are.  

Overheard {a piece of my heart just broke}

A little piece of my heart just literally broke.

It's been slowly cracking and chipping off, but as of today, I'm certain it officially broke.

The reason for the chipping at my heart:  my sweet firstborn girly girl who has spent the entirety of her life dressing up and delighting in all things "girly" is... growing up.

The cracking started when she started to favor headbands over bows for her school hairdos.

It cracked further when she intermittently begged to fix her own hair for school. 

And that crack was completed when she nonchalantly told me that she doesn't really like bows that much anymore.  Bows!  The accessory she has dawned nearly everyday since she had hair long enough to hold one.  

Another fracture started when she began to favor regular jeans over her denim ruffle pants.

That fracture deepened when she began to choose jeans.  Regular old jeans.  The same article of clothing that she used to protest; worried that they would make her look like a boy.

And that fracture was completed when she started asking to wear regular tennis shoes over her cute mary jane style ones; asking for new ones to match those of her school friends.

But today, this little conversation was what broke those fractured pieces right off of my sentimental heart.

Molly:  "Mommy... sometimes Emmie doesn't like to dress up with me anymore.  That makes me sad."

Me:  "Emmie... is that true?  You don't like to dress up anymore?"

Emily:  (with a shy smile and a tilt of her head that shows she is aware of how her answer will affect me) "Not that much."

I literally held back the stinging, wet drops begging to fall from my eyes.  

As I looked at my six year old beauty describing the kind of new tennis shoes she wants... the ones with lots of bright colors...I knew her days of dressing up were probably numbered.

Time marches on... at warp speeds.

I fail, so often, to stop and enjoy the specialness of these chaotic, stressful, tender, memory-making years.

Sometimes I need a conversation like this one to remind me to take note, to savor, to slow down and watch.

Because I know this is only the beginning of a lifetime of fractures to my sentimental mama heart.

16 Things That Made It OK {first day of kindergarten}

emily kate
1st day of kindergarten
8.16.13

*****

I have been dreading the first day of Kindergarten since the 1st day of Pre-K last year!  I have had so many emotions over this milestone for Emily. I might write a post detailing more of my struggle, but for now, I want to note the 16 things that made the dreaded 1st day of Kindergarten... OK.  I didn't expect great or exciting or proud.  I just hoped for OK.  And it was, indeed, OK thanks to these 16 things:

1.  We met her teacher the night before school started.  She had so many fun things for them... a treasure hunt to find things in the classroom and a fun little "goody bag" to take home on the night before Kindergarten. When we got home, Emily said:  "My teacher is really HAPPY!"  That's exactly how I picture a Kindergarten teacher... happy!  And to know that Emily thinks that about her new teacher makes me happy too!

2.  When we got home from the Open House, I read the "Meet Your Teacher" note she had sent home with us.  The last part...it was like a salve for my open heart.  "I will be a partner with you in helping form them to live their life as a disciple of Jesus..."  So thankful for a teacher who believes this and is willing to put it in print!

3. I occupied my mind the night before by doing something I like to do... decorate!  I continued the tradition of a special Back to School breakfast, but added some special "extras" because it was Emily's 1st day of Kindergarten, after all!

{folders for placemats and a special gift of new pencils for each "student"}

{even though molly doesn't start until next week, we included her too!}

{rulers & notebook paper for place cards & a sunflower for added cheer}

{happy girl}

{new pencils and a mama note for each one} 

{continued tradition: pancakes shaped in the grade level, eggs, bacon & fruit}

4.  I put a little of myself inside their lunch boxes... love notes, a knock-knock joke (for Noah) and an apple-themed lunch box.  There may or may not have also been a small bottle of hand sanitizer in their lunch too :)  Side note:  When the lunch box came home, there were a few bites out of the apple cookie and a few missing M&M's... that was ALL!  She had a 2nd go-round once she got home!

5.  She looked so cute in her uniform and I found that laying it out the night before was actually worse than putting it on in the morning!

6.  My mom came over so that she could stay with the littles and Vance and I could deliver her to her room unencumbered.  Thank you mom!

7. She wasn't sad for me to leave her there.  ALL smiles (with a bit of a nervous "finger in the mouth)!

8.  Even though I knew they wouldn't see a lot of each other during the day, knowing that her big brother was in the same building (and that he promised to SMILE at her when he saw her!) made me feel better.

9.  Noah's 1st grade teacher, who has also become a friend, sent me this text and picture mid morning.  She snapped it on her phone during recess.  Not to mention, she send a little encouragement to me that morning too!  I have already requested a "reserved spot" for her 1st grade class :)

10.  I have great friends who knew this day was hard for me.  They asked me to go on a walk in the morning and then arranged another lunch play date for the little ones who were left behind.

11.  These two surprised me.  While I was getting ready, they disappeared into my closet and emerged wearing my shoes; a little reminder to me that they, too, will form a special bond and dress up days will continue in my house.  It's just a changing sibling combination :)

12. She was all smiles when I went to pick her up at the end of the {very long} day!

13.  As soon as Molly woke from her nap, she ran to her room and this is what I saw.... another reminder to me that they will still have their special time together and will maintain their tight sister bond... which is the thing I worried most about missing with her being gone all day.

14.  Her teacher made this for them to bring home on the first day.  I cried when I read it, but am so grateful for a teacher who cares enough about "little things".. like making their handprint on the first day and sending it home for the overly sentimental mama's like me!

15.  Filling up buckets is a core theme in her class this year. The "filling a bucket" concept comes from a book that I've been reading to the kids for years.  "Filling a bucket" equates to giving someone a compliment or building them up with encouragement.  It's the kind of character building thing that means so much to me.  I think that all teachers do their very best to teach kids to treat others with kindness, but it makes me happy to know that this is a part of her core curriculum and a stated part of their everyday routine.  I still remember when Noah was hurt in 1st grade as I feel it changed his personality permanently.  To this day, he remains intimidated by those boys.  I know that kids will always be kids and that hurt feelings are a part of life, but I am beyond thrilled to see that in Kindergarten, "filling up buckets" is something that will be encouraged, talked about, and rewarded daily!

And most importantly...

16. Prayer. There is no doubt that this is what gave me a small amount of peace about this day.  Prayers from others...

And prayers of my own.  I fought having her go all day as hard as a parent could fight, but in the end, my only choice was to send her to this full day program.  I don't like it.  It's not what I wanted.  I felt I was treated disrespectfully by some school officials.  I was bitter.  But I had to come to terms with it and let.it.go.  

My only choice was to pray about it and ask God to either give me peace or show me a different route.  For weeks, that's what I've done.  Prayed for peace.  In the end, I think I received my answer.  I'm still not happy about it, but I'm willing to accept it and move forward. 

On the night before school, I knelt during Mass and asked God to just make it "ok" on the first day.  And I think that all of these little things were His response.  They made it OK.  They gave me some of the peace that I have been in search of for months.  And despite my disappointment, the only thing I saw when I walked my baby girl into school that first morning were SMILES... smiles from the teachers, smiles from the administrators, smiles on the faces of the other kids, and most importantly, BIG smiles from my BIG Kindergartener!

{barely able to hold the weight}

{special necklace for the 1st day}

{"i couldn't have picked a better teacher" gift of fresh berries}             

{walking into the classroom for the 1st time}

  

In Her Mama's Shoes

I recently wrote this post in which I wondered about what "mom things" my kids would learn from me.  

In addition to the things mentioned in the post, a new inherited trait is emerging in my Emmie Kate...

The girl loves to iron!

And yes, she gets that from me!  It's one of the few domestic traits I actually do well.  I 

She asked for a play iron for Easter and has since ironed all of the baby clothes and PJs she can get her hands on.  I love that she even hangs her finished pieces on the edge of the ironing board... just like I do!

So now I can add another little "mom thing" to the list of things my girls will get from me... an ability to iron well!  

Maybe one day, they too, will be the only mom's who iron the uniform shirts of their kids.  I like that thought.  A little act of love that they might one day pass on to their own little families.  Something they learned from standing in their mama's shoes... figuratively and literally!