I Was Wrong. I Am Sorry.

Today was not a good parenting day for me.

At all.

Today I was worn out from Vance being out of town, Abby being on a "nursing strike", Molly and Emily not sleeping at night, and Noah's incessant arguing.  Today was one of those days when I allowed all of the tension and stress and chaos and repeated behavior issues get the best of me.  

And I totally and completely lost my temper with Noah.

I screamed.

I stomped.

I slammed a door.

I gave lectures to a crying child who couldn't have possibly been listening to a word I said.

I screamed some more.

I said things I wish I would not have said.

And within about 5 seconds of completing my rant, I felt sick to my stomach and overcome with shame and regret.

I was wrong.

Really wrong in the way I reacted.

Did Noah's behavior deserve punishment and consequence?

Absolutely.

Has he been pushing me to my breaking point with his stubborn temperament?

You bet he has!

Did I have reason to feel frustrated?

No doubt about it!

But the bottom line is that I was wrong.

I should never have reacted the way that I did.

I should never have said some of the things that I said.

I was wrong.

Noah and I have been having a lot of discussions recently about fault and wrongdoing and taking responsibility for our own actions.  He is preparing to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation in a few weeks and that fact, combined with his escalating refusal to admit fault, have given rise to many conversations about admitting fault and apologizing for it.  Interestingly, these "struggles" have allowed me to see the Sacrament of Reconciliation in a whole new light (which I hope to write about soon).  Nevertheless...  

Today, I remembered something.

Admitting you are wrong and that you need forgiveness is not as easy as I make it out to be during these talks I've been having with Noah.  And as a parent, it is often just as hard for me to admit fault as it is for Noah to admit when he is wrong.

As a matter of fact, when I think about it, I've never been good at admitting my faults.  And I'm even worse at saying I'm sorry when my actions warrant an apology.  Just ask my mom and dad!  As a teenager, I had such a hard time saying "I'm sorry" that I would often have to write apology notes because I was too prideful to say the words out loud.  

My difficulty in admitting fault and saying "I'm sorry" carried into my marriage as well.  Just ask Vance!  He is almost always first to apologize... even when the argument was a result of my words or actions; not his.

But even though it is hard, I know it is necessary to verbally tell someone when you have hurt them; either by your words or your actions.  

And that includes my kids.

Being a parent doesn't give me a free pass in the apology department!

So tonight, as I tucked Noah into bed, we had another conversation about admitting fault and making amends.

But it was a little different than the other talks we've had.  I said to him...

I was wrong today.

I should never have reacted the way that I did.

It doesn't matter how frustrated I was with you, yelling like that is never okay.

I am sorry for the way I acted.

I am sorry for the things I said.

I didn't mean them.

I was wrong today.

Really, really wrong.

And I am so sorry.

Will you forgive me?

He did.

And as I left his room with tears in my eyes, I realized that the conversation we just had about admitting fault was, without a doubt, the most effective and persuasive one we will ever have.

Parents are the teachers.

But the teachers are human and the teachers mess up occasionally.

And I think it might be in those "mess up moments" that the parents have the greatest impact on their ability to teach... by their example.

So today was a bad parenting day for me.

I was wrong.

But I admitted it to my son.

I apologized to him.

I was forgiven by him.

And I think that in this "mess up moment", we both learned a very valuable lesson.

Snow Much Fun {emily's 5th birthday party}

We celebrated Emily turning FIVE with a winter-themed birthday party...

SNOW MUCH FUN!

I know I say this about every party, but this one really was so fun to plan.  I "stole" a lot of ideas from Pinterest, but put my own spin on everything and created a little piece of snow heaven in our basement :)

The centerpiece of the table was the {double sided} snowman that I made from styrofoam balls and other paraphernalia.

And I found these 3 cute little snowmen at Hobby Lobby.  They made a great side centerpiece perched atop three glass candlesticks.

I used lots of printables to make little signs for added table height and decor.

I used a needle to thread hundreds of white pom poms onto fishing line to make the "snow" hanging from the ceiling.  

My friend's kids made me fifteen of these lovely paper snowflakes!  They hung on the back of each chair as well as in other areas of the basement.  Yes, I have very cool (and generous) friends :)

Each place setting had a mini snowman with a place card...

arranged by Emily herself!

Another view of the snowy birthday table...

When it came to the food, it was sugar, sugar, and more sugar!  

It was all fun snow-themed sugar though with just a touch of salty...

And we couldn't forget the Sno-Cones and ice-COLD milk!

The birthday girl helped me with all of the party decor and was super excited about it.  She even wore a snow-themed party dress and looked pretty much adorable.

We had lots of FROSTY FUN activities too!

Pass the COLD snowball...

Pin the nose on the snowman...

Decorate a snowflake...

Snowball toss...

Snow Shovel... with noses!

Make a snowman toilet paper relay...

And I saved the BEST for last...

"JUST ADD SNOW"
Make a Snowman Kit!

My generous and patient mother-in-law helped me make the  top hats and scarves out of felt.  I made the felt carrots on a stick, added bowls of buttons, rocks & googly eyes.  

The girls got to take their pick and put together their own snowman kit.  

After playing many snowy games, the girls sat down to eat the SNOWY SUGAR assortment!  I think they each took only about 1-2 bites of everything there was to eat on the table!

And the birthday girl blew out her candles!

 

 

After the kids were sufficiently sugared up and the presents were opened, we had one last bit of frosty fun...

A SNOWBALL FIGHT!

Once again, my generous and extremely patient mother in law helped me make these soft indoor snowballs.  

The girls had a blast having an indoor snowball fight!  The particularly enjoyed pummeling Emily's PaPa with the snowballs.

 

 

At the end of the party, the girls grabbed their take home buckets.  I forgot to take detailed pictures of all the printables used in the favor buckets (they were all super cute)!

Inside each bucket was the book "The Biggest Snowman" and they got to add the Snowman Kit they made and their own set of indoor snowballs!

And with that, another fun and special birthday party was in the books.  

And my sweet FIVE year old girl agreed with me...  
it truly was
SNOW MUCH FUN!

Happy 5th Birthday to my 
sweet and special
Emily Kate!

Sunday Best {1.6.13}

Sunday Best

{1.6.13}

We started out 2013 with some matching outfits from Matilda Jane + Gymboree (for Noah)!

I adore Matilda Jane clothes!  Not only are they super cute, you can get several years wear out of them!  The dresses that all of the girls are wearing can also be worn in the Spring/Summer without a shirt underneath.  

The pants that can go under the dresses/tops are always so cute too.  I was trying to get a picture of the kids standing so I could show off the cute pants & Abby's cute tights, but as you can see, once again, not everyone was interested in cooperating.

So there they are...
my cuties on the 1st Sunday of the year 2013!