Pray for Zachary's Heart

Praying friends,


Please keep this sweet little babe in your prayers this week.  His name is Zachary and he is getting ready to have his 3rd (and hopefully final) open heart surgery to repair several congenital heart defects.  


Also, I can't imagine the worry and fear that must be present when a Mommy & Daddy have to say goodbye to their baby as they wheel him off to have open heart surgery.  

Please pray for Steve & Michelle, Zachary's parents.... that they may feel an overwhelming peace as they wait for their sweet babe to return to them... with a fully repaired heart!  


If you would like more information about Zachary, visit his blog at www.fivelittleboys.blogspot.com.  Yep!  He is one of FIVE boys!  Can you imagine?

His Hands

They are the hands that opened the car door so many times on our early dates.


They are the hands that held the ring on the night that he asked me to marry him.

They are the hands that cheered for me when I graduated from graduate school and passed my CPA exam.


They are the hands that held mine on the day we promised to love each other in good times and bad.

They are the hands that held the steering wheel as we drove to our new home... a home that was far away from the only "home" I'd ever known.


They are the hands that led me through unfamiliar streets, parking garages, and skyways to my first real job.

They are the hands that made the sign of the cross one Easter vigil night.

They are the hands that worked so diligently to complete a Master's degree.

They are the hands that signed the paperwork to purchase our first home.


They are the hands that cradled our first common love, our puppy.

They are the hands that I held as we drove through the night to attend his father's funeral.

They are the hands that wiped my tears when our future seemed uncertain.

They are the hands that dialed countless phone numbers in search of a job amidst devastating circumstances.

They are the hands that picked out parenting books on the night we learned we were having our first baby.


They are the hands that have folded in prayer countless times as we placed our needs, our fears, and our desires before the Lord.


They are his hands.


The hands of a humble, gracious, caring, hard working, generous, God loving, selfless, intelligent, sports loving, protective, supportive, loving man.


They are the perfect hands. 


They are the hands of  my husband.

*****

And then...


They were the hands that, on three separate occasions, first held mine and then held the tiny miracles that were given to us from above.


And now...


They are the hands that hold them when they are happy and when they are sad.


They are the hands that teach them and guide them as they grow.


They are the hands that protect them.


They are the hands that work hard to provide for them.


They are the hands that pray for them and thank the Lord for them.


They are the hands that cheer for them and support them in all that they do and want to do.


They are the perfect hands.


They are the hands of  their Daddy.

*****

We are so lucky, so blessed, 

to have his hands holding our hearts.

Happy Father's Day to the 

Husband and Daddy 
with the perfect hands!

His hands holding Noah Robert

His hands holding Emily Kate

His hands holding Molly Clare

Singing Sissy

Emily LOVES to sing!

She sings and sings and sings... all the time!

She sings her ABC's, she sings cartoon themes, she sings Sunday School songs, she sings songs she makes up, she sings nursery rhymes, she even sings her PaPa's fraternity songs!

I love listening to her sweet singing voice... even when I don't understand the words!

Here is a little video clip of her singing "Jesus Loves Me" with a bit of passion (for lack of a better term!) near the end!


In order to hear Miss Sis singing, don't forget to pause the blog music on the right hand side of the screen!

Confessions of a Hormonal Mommy on an Emotional Rollercoaster

I am very, very blessed.  I have three healthy children, a wonderful husband, and the best grandparents a person could ever wish for who live less than 5 minutes from my house!  I am very, very blessed.  


I am also tired.  And frustrated.  Molly cries.  All the time.  It makes me feel sad, crazy, helpless and worried all at the same time.  I've tried everything I know to help her.  Changed my diet.  Tried a chiropractor.  Taken her to the pediatrician... two times last week alone.  No one knows what to do.  Particularly me.  And I'm so tired.  So frustrated.  Sad.  Helpless.  Sometimes she cries so much that I, too, end up in tears.  Tears of frustration and worry.  Mostly frustration though.  Sometimes I catch myself throwing myself a pity party.  And then just as quickly as my tears started, they stop.  And I feel guilty for feeling the way I felt.  After all, there are people in this world with real heartaches.  Real worries.  Worries about health or finances or job security.  I feel guilty for feeling the frustration and the pity.  And so I vow to change.  To focus on the positive.  Celebrate the small victories.


So I do.  Amidst Molly's cries, I pray for those who are really, truly suffering.  For mothers who have lost babies or whose hearts yearn for another one.  For friends enduring unimaginable worries.  It helps.  I celebrate the fact that I made all the beds, or made it to a play date, or made a healthy meal that my children actually ate.  Without a debate or a power struggle.  I feel renewed.  And as I lay down to go to sleep, I try to recount my blessings, vowing to make the most of the next day.  I can do this!  There is no need to feel so frustrated.  I tell myself that she will eventually be happy.  I should know.  I've been through this before.  Twice.  I remind myself to soak up every bit of her sweetness.  After all, I think she is just about the cutest baby I've ever seen.  Focus on that.


As the night goes on, there is more crying and less sleeping.  I wake and try to get myself cleaned up to plan a fun day for my kids.  But nothing in my closet fits.  Not a single thing.  And that fact makes me feel frustrated.  And mad.  And then the pity party starts again.  Why can't I get rid of this extra baby weight?  Surely is has nothing to do with my new addiction to vanilla Oreo cookies!  I think about exercising.  All the time.  I even bought a new Jillian DVD the other day.  It is still sitting on the desk, unopened.  Along with all of my other exercise DVD's!  The tired thing and the crying thing... well, it makes me uninterested in exercising and more interested in eating Oreo cookies!  And then, once again, I feel guilty for complaining about something so frivolous.  After all, I have a healthy baby.  One that cries.  A lot.  But she  is healthy.  That's all that really matters.  


And then she does it.  She smiles at me.  A big one.  She even makes a sweet little noise.  My worries and frustrations disappear in that instant.  And I suck it up, put on a swimsuit, and take my 3 kids to the swimming pool!


Being a mother is the least rewarding and most rewarding job I've ever had.  It's also the hardest and the best job I've ever had.  Without a doubt, it's the most important job I've ever had.  Sometimes I'm not very good at it.  Sometimes I am.  It's a journey.  Hormones, emotions, crying, baby fat... it's all part of the journey.  A journey I'm glad to be on!


I'm very, very blessed.  I have three healthy children, a wonderful husband, and the best grandparents a person could ever wish for who live less than 5 minutes from my house.  I am very, very blessed.

THE Question

It's kind of funny... 


I've been getting asked "THE Question" a lot recently.  Two times today, as a matter of fact.


THE Question apparently changes with the number of children you have.


After I had Emily, THE Question was...


"So... now that you have both a boy and a girl, are you done?" 


Now that I have three kids, THE Question usually goes something like...


"So... is there going to be a 4th"


or


"So... do you WANT more?"


The interesting thing about THE Question is that when it is asked, it is typically asked in a manner that makes me feel like the person asking thinks I must be crazy if I answer anything other than NO.


We live in a nation in which the average number of children per family is something close to 2.5.  Two children seems to be the "right number" for many families.  So I suppose it is natural for people to ponder THE Question.


Like many, if I would've been asked THE Question 11-12 years ago (when I was first married), I would probably have said that two was the "right number" for my family too.  Like many in today's society, I mistakenly thought that it was me who was capable of creating the perfect plan for the size and timing of my family.  And I held that view for nearly 6 years.


Thankfully, I can say that I don't have a lot of regrets in my life.  But I do have one.  And it is a regret that I feel more now than ever.... after the birth of Molly.


I regret that my answer to the THE Question would've been no.  I regret that I waited to have children for nearly 7 years because "it wasn't the right time" for me.  I regret that I conformed to society's view of what being successful and "ready for children" meant.  I regret that I wasn't open to what God might have had planned for the size and timing of my family.  


I have a lot of regret over all things related to "THE Question".


I feel very fortunate that during those 6 years, I began to reexamine my faith.  I had lots of questions about the Church and I wanted to understand more clearly why it held some of the teachings it held.  One such teaching related to the disapproval of artificial contraception.  I just didn't "get" that one!


I remember reading the testimony of a lady who had held similar views to the ones I held at the time.  She, too, desperately wanted to conform her will to the Lord's will for her life.  She said that she trusted the Lord with just about everything in her life... everything except her fertility.  She didn't understand why, but in that one area, she felt like she couldn't completely trust the Lord.  She wanted to have control over that area of her life.  I could most definitely relate to those feelings.  


The testimony continued.  This lady (who happens to be Kimberly Hahn!) eventually made a decision to begin trusting the Lord with her fertility.  She now has 5 or 6 kids... I'm not sure exactly how many she has, but it is far more than the standard 2.5.  And she proclaims that her children are her greatest treasures!


But back to me.


I, too, eventually became convicted of the Church's teaching on life and contraception.  And Vance and I signed up to take a class to learn to practice Natural Family Planning.  Truth be told though, when we started NFP, my answer to THE Question would probably still have been that the standard 2.5 kids would be the "right number" for me.  After all, NFP can be used to responsibly plan your family in cooperation with God.  And there are legitimate reasons for postponing pregnancies.  I guess you could say that I was following the "letter of the law", but failed to understand the heart of it.  My reasons for planning to limit the number of children I had were more in the selfish category than in the legitimate category.


After a while though, something changed.


And that something was ME.  It was my heart.


As I became more open to the gift of life, my heart for the number of children I wanted changed too.  My heart began to believe that it was God, not me, who knew what the perfect family might be for me... both the timing and the size of it. 


My answer to the THE Question was no longer NO!


I know that I am not alone.  I have read many testimonies and talked to many people who have had similar experiences with Natural Family Planning.  The funny thing is that there is a perception that people who practice NFP have lots of kids because NFP doesn't work!  The reality is that people who practice NFP have lots of kids because they wanted them!  It's true.  NFP is 99.9 percent effective.  It does work.  In more ways than one!  


And for me, I'm so glad that it worked.  


I am forever grateful for the Church's teaching on life.  For it changed my heart in so many ways.  


So....


How do I respond to THE Question these days?


The truth is that I don't know.  But I am open to the gift of new life and believe with all of my heart that God has the perfect plan for the size of my family.  


Even though life is crazy busy and crazy hard and most days I feel like a complete failure as a mother, I am still open.  Even though finances are tighter these days and our voices get raised more often than we would like, I am still open.  Even though my house is a disaster, my clothes don't fit, and my meals consist of peanut butter and cereal, I am still open.  I am far from "having it all together", but I am still open.  


Because I trust that God knows best.  


And I have a gentle reminder of that reality literally kicking me as I type!

She, too, is so glad that my answer to THE Question changed!