An Open Letter to Parents {Perspective}

My sister-in-law just had her first baby.  As I watched her cradle her baby in her arms for the first time, I had to stop myself from giving her my unsolicited advice.

I am by no means an expert parent, but I am more of a seasoned one than I was eight years ago when I first became a parent.  With time and age and experience, a parent gains perspective.  And perspective can be an incredibly freeing and liberating thing.

I still need to hone my parenting perspective in many areas.  I have yet to walk the many different paths of parenthood.  I have much perspective to be learned in my future.  Of that, I am certain.

But I have gained some perspective about raising kids in a society that is obsessed with perfection and achievement and unattainable expectations.

So in honor of my brother and sister-in-law becoming parents, I will share a tiny bit of perspective that I have gained in my short eight years on this journey called parenthood.

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Dear Parents,  

If your baby doesn't sleep on a schedule, don't worry about it.  She will eventually sleep.  It may take time and you may {temporarily} lose your sanity in the process, but she will eventually sleep.  I promise.  Do what works for you.  Schedules work for some people, but not everyone.  Your baby will not have permanent sleep issues because you decided to spend an extra hour running errands or playing at a play date.

And speaking of play dates, if you don't have them, don't worry about it.  Play dates are really for the mom's anyway.  Your child will not be a social outcast just because you didn't arrange for him to throw blocks at another toddler for an hour.  

If you can't make homemade baby food, don't worry about it.  The stuff they sell in the stores doesn't kill children.  I would know because I fed it to all four of mine and they survived. And they will still grow and learn to eat real food.  And when they do, it's okay to allow a little sugar and food dye every now and then.  Sometimes those are the things that childhood moments and memories are made of.

If you can't cloth diaper, don't worry about it.  As a parent, you have enough poop to worry about without having to hand wash it out of your babies diapers.  Pampers just might be your sanity in a world that is otherwise driving you mad.  

If your toddler watches too much TV, don't worry about it.  Contrary to what you hear, it will not permanently damage them.  It might even make them smart.  (Gasp!)  You are a parent and you are sometimes stretched to your limit.  And let's be honest, the TV can help when you need to get something done.  And don't let other people make you feel guilty about this.  Baby Einstein has been known to create a genius or two.

If your two year old isn't potty trained, don't worry about it.  Don't you know that two year olds love to do the exact opposite of what you want them to do?  That's why they call it the "terrible two's".  Save the potty training for a time when your child is old enough to understand the benefits of it.  And don't let people make you feel guilty about this either.  Training a three year old takes a fraction of the time it takes to train an 18 month old.  And parents don't need battles that they can't be sure to win.

If your three year old doesn't recognize letters or numbers, don't worry about it.  It's too early for these things anyway.  Focus on coloring and playing make believe.  Those are the things that three year olds are made to do.  Leave the reading to the five and six year olds... and the genius three year olds.

If your Kindergartener goes to Kindergarten not knowing how to read, don't worry about it.  That's what Kindergarten is for.  Let the teachers do their jobs.  Until then, let your kid be a kid.  Let them "read" with their imagination as they look at the pictures in the books.  Those stories are the best kind of stories anyway.

If your child isn't the best on the basketball or soccer team, don't worry about it.  The odds of them being a professional player are next to nothing.  And if they were made to play in college, they will have the talent when they are old enough for it to matter.  Worry more about whether or not they are having fun and practice good sportsmanship.  It doesn't need to be about whether or not they win... when they are seven!  They will learn more in the backyard playing with you that they will on any sports field or court.

If your eight year old is the "only one who can't watch PG-13 movies", don't worry about it.  He will not hate you for it.  He secretly likes the boundaries and limitations you give because it shows him that you care about him and love him.    

If your child doesn't get straight A's, don't worry about it.  Character, kindness towards others, and effort are the only subjects that an "A" really matters in.  Focus on those "subjects" for they will be what truly helps your child to be successful in life.  And praise her for those "A's" so she will want to get more of them.

If your child makes a mistake and falls down, don't worry about it.  The best life lessons come from mistakes.  Don't rescue them from every mistake.  Let them fall occasionally.  Let them learn.

And lastly...

Don't compare yourself to others.
Do NOT buy into the concept of a perfect parent.  They don't exist.  
Forgive yourself when you mess up.  Say I'm sorry to your kids when you do.
Ask for help when you need it.
Admit that it's sometimes hard.
Pray for your kids and with your kids.
Give yourself grace.  And give grace to the parents who make you feel like you aren't measuring up.
Love your child the best you can in the moment and stage of life you are in. 
Allow parenthood to refine you.  It is part of your path to holiness.
Have fun.  
Say "yes" sometimes when you want to say "no".
Model behaviors you want to teach.  Say please and thank you to your kids.
Encourage kindness always.
Expect respect.
Don't just preach your faith.  Live it.  That's how they will learn to love it.
Tell your child you are happy and blessed that God chose you to parent them.

And if all else fails, just say "I Love You" and "I'm Proud of You".  And give them a hug and a kiss.

And remember, you can do this.  You are the best person to parent your child.  Because God chose you to do it.  And with His help, you can do it.  You can do it however you need to do it in this moment.  But you can do it.  Remember that.

Wishing you perspective and encouragement,
Danielle {Mother to four perspective-builders}