I went to drop off some forms for Emily's "Kids Day Inn" program this Fall.
As I stood in the hallway, looking as if I'd just rolled out of bed (because I had!), another mom came walking down the hallway to drop off her papers.
She was dressed. Wearing cute clothes. Her hair and make up were done. She walked down the hall with a slight bounce in her step.
I was instantly embarrassed of my own appearance and a little jealous of her "have it all togetherness".
I had to ask her to sign as my "witness" on one of the school papers. She happily obliged. She had a permanent smile on her face. And she was "with it", meaning she corrected the mistake on my form and gently reminded me that today's date was not December 23, 2007!
She was "one of those"...
Those mothers who, at least by all appearances, have it all together.
I have another "one of those" in Emily's dance class. She has a baby that is almost the same age as Molly. And her daughter is in the 2 year old dance class with Emily.
Each week she comes wearing an adorable dress. She can do that because she is skinny. Super skinny. And tan. And of course, she always manages to do the hair and make up thing too! She seems to have no cares in the world. Her baby never cries. He is content not being held. She does not looked stressed out or even sleep deprived!
I find myself becoming more and more jealous and downright confused by all of "those" mothers. You see, I am not "one of those". I used to consider myself an organized person. Maybe even obsessively organized. But these days, organized is not a word that even remotely begins to describe me!
As I observe "those" mothers and ponder how they are doing it, I can't help but wonder if they are wondering about me too.
They may look at me with similar bafflement... silently thinking to themselves that I am "one of those". Only in their eyes, "one of those" is not something to be desired. To them, "those" are the mothers who appear frazzled all the time, have endorsed a "shower optional" policy (in reference to themselves!), carry bags filled with endless "to do" items, forget what day of the week it is (not to mention the month and the year!), and sport tennis shoes and work-out pants (only they never work out) on a daily basis!
I am "one of those"!
But I desperately want to be "one of those"!
And then there are "those" of the supermom variety....
Those that homeschool and make play dough from scratch and cook organic meals every night and play games in the afternoon with one child while teaching another child to sew!
How, oh how do they do it?
Take the Fly Lady for instance. I recently revisited her lovely site in an attempt to begin regaining some control over my life. But I find myself just getting angry with her.
She even schedules a time to clean out her purse, for crying out loud!
So as I've observed and pondered all of "those" women recently, I've come to the conclusion that they must have mastered something that I have never successfully been able to implement.... or even understand for that matter.
And that is a schedule.
I'm talking about the kind of schedule that includes house cleaning, meal planning, playtime, reading time, me time, clothes washing, dishwasher running, errand running, exercise planning, prayer time planning, and just about everything else under the sun!
I've decided that must be the answer to why they always have a shower, clean clothes, happy children, and a home cooked meal. It must be.
So after I finish this blog post (at a much too late hour of the night) and get through the next two days of craziness, I've decided that I will begin to work on creating some semblance of a schedule for our family. I've not had much success with "schedules" in the past and have honestly considered those who abide by them to be no-fun, rigid, and a bit on the boring side.
But living like I've been living these past months has changed my mind completely!
So if you are "one of those", please help "one of those" out with your advice!
How do you do it?
I'm ready to join your ranks.
I simply can't take being "one of those" any longer!
5 comments:
Seriously. Read A Mother's Rule. You will love. it. Honestly, it reads like a novel in some senses.
And don't be so stinkin' hard on yourself. If I remember right, I was pretty impressed running into you at a playdate when you were 38ish weeks pregnant and lookin' all cute with your two kids sharing nicely and behaving sweetly. Seriously girl, you have a good thing going. Give yourself some time to bounce back after adding a new member, and a third child at that!! I finally just this summer feel like I have pulled things back together and things are rolling smoothly-ish since Kolbe was born in January. It takes a long. time. to adjust to adding a new member. Just do your best, offer what you do to God. He will take care of the rest. "I come to make all things new."
God bless and have a great week!
i second every single thing monica said. although i didn't really put the book into action when i read it, i did glean a few things from "a mother's rule" and i know that if i wanted to be more organized i could use it as a resource again. but when i read it i had a very demanding toddler and a nursing baby, so some of it just wouldn't fit my life.
nursing (which it seems from past posts you are doing with your babe) is a huge gift to babe, but also a big sacrafice of time and energy for the mommma and whole family. maybe that mom at the dance class doesn't nurse her baby, cause dressses just aren't very accomidating, if you know what i mean.
and like monica said, i remember meeting you at elizabeth's house when you were very pregnant, thinking you were one of "those moms" with your real clothes on, make-up and hair done, and sweet children.
yesterday in mass i kept looking around at all of "those moms" whose children weren't going nuts and i was almost in tears. but i felt like God was speaking to my heart-you just can't judge other people. you don't know what's going on in their lives beyond their exterior and God does not call us all to the same things.
so if you don't like the way things are for your family, pray that God gives you peace and the tools you need. but don't try to be something that's just not your family.
sometimes He has to tear us down a little bit so He can rebuild us the way we need it.
if nothing else, cut yourself some slack. my mom, who had eight kids and was very organized, said that three little ones is the hardest stage of motherhood.
(that is an embarassing long comment. maybe i was speaking to myself a little bit because i am going through the same thing! ; )
100% ditto on what Monica and Mary said.
I know this blog may not be the best place to confess this to you, maybe if we ever get out from under our 'laundry piles' I'll tell you in person, but I have been very jealous of you for as long as I've known you and thought you were one of those moms who always has everything together and always looks refined and polished and makes sure her kids do too. Thankfully, through our time a while back with Familia and now with your blog (that I love!) God has humbled me and shown me that I have been way wrong and misjudged you completeley. And for that I am very sorry. As I've gotten to know you, you've taught me that it's not fair to judge other moms based on appearences or what they do/don't do or have/don't have or especially on how their kids behave/don't behave.
We're all in this together. No matter how hard we try, a mom is a mom is a mom. And all of our kids are well...kids :)
That off my chest, yes I'd recommend a Mother's Rule for Life by Holly Pierlot. Fly Lady's basic routines and ideas are good but everything else can be WAY overwhelming. For me I just have to sit down and write down a few basic routines and then let go (which is very hard), and see how it goes and then tweak it when needed. (which is pretty often)
Also, 3 is HARD! It has thrown me through.a.loooooOOOp! So give it some time, life will resume in a new way but it will and you'll be able to breath again without a huge lump of tears in your throat each time. ;) ok I'm going to stop my long saga now...maybe we can talk in person one day!
So everybody that has commented before me said everything much more eloquently than I possibly could. I debated not even commenting for that very reason, but I wanted you to know I am often overcome with the same feelings, especially lately as I nap every afternoon from complete lack of energy and wear workout clothes all day (even to the store a few times even though I DID have time to get dressed in "real clothes" *gasp!* I hope nobody calls the "What Not to Wear" crew to ambush me!) You are not alone!
I seem to remember you saying something in a previous post about Vance saying that his mom didn't do huge themed birthday parties (which you do an absolutely FABULOUS job of pulling off!)but he still felt completely loved by the simple celebrations she held. It's the same with everyday life. Your kids aren't going to remember what you wore to dance class or if you hair was perfectly coiffed when you dropped them off for school. They will remember the more important fact that you were THERE. Really and truly present, paying attention to them and being part of their childhood. Not primping yourself in a mirror or chatting/texting on your phone as they sat silently in the back of the van/shopping cart/wherever. You are an amazing mom, so give yourself a bit of credit. God wouldn't have entrusted those beautiful little ones to you if He didn't know you were up for the challenge! And remember if you ever need a recharge we're always up for a playdate (as long as it isn't my nap time, that is ;D )
Oh, and I'm counting on getting some words of wisdom from you in a few months when our third one arrives! My mom jokes that three is the hardest number because then the kids outnumber the hands you have to grab them with as they scatter in different directions! Keep your chin up and remember to ask Mary to intercede for you in your vocation of motherhood.
Wow! You young mothers are so encouraging to an old lady like me!
Thank you, thank you for the words of encouragement and advice! It's sometimes just nice to know that we all feel a bit out of control from time to time! And I will be giving the "Rule" book another try... knowing that it will have to be a flexible "schedule" for me!
I wanted to let all of you know that I am so impressed with you... you all have such inspirational faiths and are doing things with your children that most people never even think about (from a faith formation standpoint). I am a lot older than all of you and am just now starting to figure this faith stuff out (and I went to Catholic school too!). Anyway, thank you again for lifting me up with your words and for being great examples to me as you live your faith in your homes and with your families!
God Bless!
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