It's A...

Vance and I have actually known our 5th baby's gender for quite some time (due to pre-natal DNA testing ), but we decided to wait to tell our kids until we saw it in "black and white" on the screen at our sonogram.

We got that on-screen confirmation on Thursday and took home this box to reveal our secret to four anxious and excited kids.

The predictions:
Noah:  Boy, switched to Girl (to protect his own heart, I think)
Emily:  Boy
Molly:  Girl
Abby:  Still has no clue what's coming!

The reveal:

The result:

{Emily exclaims... "It's a GIRL!}

The reactions:

{Emily is super excited!}

{Noah is not sure how to react.  I think he is secretly saying... "seriously?!"

So yes...

There will be more pink, more hand-me-downs, more estrogen and hormones, more hours of fixing hair causing us to run late everywhere, and more years of playing dress up.

Another girl.

I can hardly believe it.

This pregnancy has differed so much from my past few pregnancies.  I felt certain that those differences indicated that a boy was on its way.  In fact, I was so convinced I was carrying a "y chromosome" that I actually began to worry...fearing that I was unequipped or unable to raise little boys with lots of energy and spunk.  When I pondered names, I only considered boy names.  I skipped over the pink decor in the magazines; focusing instead on the boy rooms and dreaming of a grey and blue nursery.  I even thought I SAW a boy on a 10 week sonogram!

But perhaps I was just hoping...

Hoping that I would be able to give my oldest the brother he has always wanted.

I can still vividly remember his reaction and the sad, sad look on his face when he learned that Molly was going to be Molly... not Max.

He hoped that Abby would be a boy too, but was old enough at that point to understand that a healthy baby was all that really mattered.  But his heart still sank a bit when he learned that that his hoped for "he" was another "she".

He talks often about wanting a brother...openly sharing his frustration about having to be around girls all the time..."babysitters, sisters, Nonny, and YaYa...they're all girls!"

So when we got this unexpected surprise, we all hoped...hoped for him.  Even Emily sensed it and joined in with the hope that she, too, would have another brother.

As the weeks went on though, he began to protect his own heart for what he secretly feared might turn out to be another disappointment.  While he initially talked openly of hoping for a boy, in recent weeks he changed his story; saying he now hoped for a girl instead.

When asked why, he spoke of not wanting to have to share his special time with his Daddy and his PaPa...going to KU games, playing golf, shooting hoops and playing tennis.  He didn't want another boy to infringe on his special "boy time." 

His story was convincing.

So convincing that I became less worried about sharing our secret...and breaking his heart, yet again.

His words convinced me that he, in fact, wanted a girl.

But his face, this face, told the true story.

His exterior is smiling; showcasing the politically correct emotion.  But the shock in his eyes and the furrow in his brow revealed to me his interior feelings...shattered hope.

I received confirmation of his true feelings when, after a few minutes, he looked at me, wearing that same shocked and plastered on smile, and said...

"So...I guess this is probably the last kid, right?"

It was as if he just needed to confirm that his "last shot" had just been blown.

I tried to cheer him up; reminding him his special "boy time" with his Daddy and PaPa would not be threatened by an annoying little brother who wanted to tag along with his older brother everywhere.  We talked about his specialness in being the oldest and the only boy.  I reminded him that the baby appears healthy and that was the most important thing.  And we spoke about how his birth was extra unique in that it was through the birth of my one and only boy that I got the privilege of becoming a mom in the first place.

He seemed to buy it... at least for a moment.

When the girls left the room and it was just me and him remaining, he quietly asked...

"Mom, why?  Why did God think we needed another girl?"

I attempted to answer a question that truly can't be answered.

Like so many things in life, some things simply can't be explained in this lifetime.

And so I assured him that while I might not be able to give him a baby brother, I can give him my love, a large family to grow up with, sisters to protect, and the hope of having the next best thing... four really great brother-in-laws someday!