What will they inherit?

I often feel guilty over my lack of domestic prowess.  

I envy my friends who find their kitchen's to be a place of relaxation and peace.  I secretly envy the mom's who bake and cook with their kids; teaching them a life skill that I clearly lack.  I can see how the children of the "cooking and baking mom's" already have an interest in cooking too.  They are inheriting that love from their mom.  

I love handmade clothing; yet I am the mom who buys it from another mom who has the talent to sew.  With each piece of clothing she makes for her own girls, she weaves her love into each stitch.  And her girls are now learning to sew too.  Again, inheriting a talent and love from their mother.

And so when it comes to domestication, I often wonder what my kids will inherit from me.  I don't bake unless it comes from a box or a mix.  I cook; but not happily and my food is simple and without much flavor or spice.  And when Vance loses a button off of his shirt, I take it to the cleaners to have it replaced.  Easy Bake ovens and sewing machines are not toys I suspect will ever be written on the Christmas lists of my girls. 

So, what then, will my kids inherit from me?  Am I teaching them any life skills that they will be able to use when they grow into adults.  What kinds of things will they just do because they saw me doing it their whole life?  In what area will they say, "my mom always loved to...".

I think about these things fairly often; feeling a bit of guilt over my lack of "domestic goddess-ness" and hoping that they will inherit something from me; something that they saw me have a love for.

Recently, a few things struck me with regard to my wonder about what my kids will inherit from me.

This is Emily's note to Santa.

Do you see how she signed her name?  Her letters are decorated.  She made little slashes on the points of all of her letters.  She sees me do that when I make signs and personalized items for the kids' parties.  And when I color with her, I often make "dotty letters" on her name.

It makes me smile.  

It's not a gourmet cake or a lovely handmade dress, but it's something she gets from me...

A love of making things look pretty.  Or special.

This Christmas, she instigated a new game for her and Molly to play.  It was called "decorate the house for Christmas."  She routinely took all of my Christmas decorations from the basement and rearranged them.  One day, I saw that she had laid out a red scarf on the window sill and carefully placed greenery and other Christmas items on top of it.  I wish I would have taken a picture of it because it, too, made me smile.

It wasn't a delicious meal or a pair of hand sewn ruffle pants, but again, it was something she got from me... the desire to decorate and make the house look pretty and special for the holiday.

So she might not bake or sew, but she might inherit something of value from me... a desire to make things look pretty and special. 

And that very thought makes my heart swell.

And then there's Noah.

This is a note he handed to me the day after Christmas.

He wrote it on the paper from his new diary "book with a lock".

And while I obviously feel less guilt about the domestic things that Noah will inherit from me, I was tickled to see that I had influenced him to do something that I always do.

He wrote me a thank you note.

I can't tell you how many times he's seen me do this.  I am among the few who still believe in writing handwritten thank you notes.  And he sees me do it and talk about it often.

And I make him do it too... for gifts he receives.  I've explained to him how important it is to acknowledge the time and effort that someone has put into selecting a gift for him.  I've told him that writing a note takes little time, but makes a person feel that their gift was very loved and appreciated.

But for him to spontaneously write me a handwritten thank you note on his own accord... well, that was not something I expected.  And it gave me hope that he, too, will inherit some positive life skills from me.  

He may not be the master griller in the neighborhood, but maybe one day he will say to his wife, "my mom always said that thank you note's have to have at least three sentences."  

And lastly, as I was laying with him in bed the other night, we began chit-chatting about a variety of things.  His birthday party came up.  He talked about who he wanted to invite and where he would like to go.  And then, he said something that made me smile on the inside.  He said...

"What kind of theme do you think I should have?"

Given his age and the fact that he wanted to go to the arcade, I pretty much assumed that this would probably be the year that we didn't do the themed decorations.  But he wanted to know what I thought about a theme.  When I didn't say much, he went on to suggest a shark theme, or perhaps a space theme.  I told him both were good ideas.  And then he said...

"What kinds of activities would we do at a space party?  Could we make planets out of balls and paper?"

He gets that from me.  He knows that I make birthdays special.... with themes... and activities.  He didn't want to go to the arcade without having a theme.  Or an activity to do during the sleepover.

I know he won't likely be the one planning his kids' birthday parties one day, but I'd like to think that he will find his own way of making his kids (and his wife) feel extra special on their birthday.  Because he saw me do it.  

All these things... they aren't the most important things in life.  Knowing and loving God, being kind and respectful, being honest and working hard... those are the things that I hope, above all else, my kids will grow up to cherish.  

But I'm glad to know that "me being me" influences them too.   So they may not bake or cook or sew or fix things on their own, but they will do little things just because I did them.  And I hope that when they do those little things, they will do so with the fond memory of how much I loved them when I did them.  

And hopefully, one day, when they are grown and on their own, they will say... "my mom always loved to...

- write fancy letters
- decorate for the holidays
- write personal thank you notes (with at least 3 sentences!)
- plan fun birthday parties"

So I may not be a domestic goddess.

But I am their mom.

And they will inherit my "mom things".  

And my "mom things"... they aren't worse than the "baking mom things" or the "cooking mom things" or the "sewing mom things".  

They are just different.

And I'm think I'm beginning to be okay with that!